PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!

Here and Now

I can't believe this I am so out of breath, my mouth is so dry. I am so nervous; I can't seem to find the words, last night I had all the courage in the world. Now all the words chase my punk ass around my mind, and I try to take refuge in the dark corners of my mind's playground, but here comes the schoolyard bully, and it's high-noon otherwise known as 3 o clock, and it's my turn to have my lunch money taken while at the same time have my dignity taken from me, by having my underwear pulled up over my head.

Yea, I am my words little bitch right now,  the pressure is on, the time bullies normally go running for their mommy's. Talking all tough and rough, now when it matters my words break like the Rock Steady Crew.

See everyday for the last week, I have been waking up earlier then normal so I will be Right Here, Right Now, sitting directly across from you.

I have been not so secretly watching you over the rims of my glasses, trying to act like I am reading this book, I picked this book because it was supposed to be a favorite amongst the women at the office where I work. Funny, women doesn't seem to be the correct term for them, cause if they are women, then you must be some evolutionary jump forward, you must be one of those rare breeds that were on left on an island that evolved completely differently then your close cousins.

I am completely captured by the little twist of your traits and entranced by your beauty and your rareness. I feel like I was on safari and saw an animal so beautiful that I laid my shotgun down and picked up a bible, because with something of such stalk beauty there truly must be a God and I need to drop down and give thanks to the all mighty, cause you are mighty fine in my eyes.

All of this only heighten my sense of urgency cause I am like a 4yr old every-time you leave my vision, I worry you my never come back, and inside I cry. Now here I seat here dress in my Sunday best, nervous and pensive holding in my breath like I have gas, no I don't have gas but I have the words to blow you away, now if I can just remember where did I put them.

Yea I lovingly caressed them to sleep last night, but I awoke to find that Yogi bear made off with my picnic basket, but boo-boo I really do have the words that are just for you. 

A voice of the train's PA reminds me that time is of the essence and the minutes are ticking in the direction that made my action all the more vital, my lack of actions is the key here because even though it's been nearly a week of this game of cat and mouse, where you are Jerry, and I am Tom getting my ass handing to me yet again. Where did I put those damn words, I don't know why I am tripping over losing them. It's not like I have the courage to speak them, cause even though I can fly through my minds eye and single handily save the world time and time again in my mind, your beauty must be the kryptonite that levels my superman powerless.

Maybe I should face facts, that some dreams are just that, some words are meant only to be sung along with the rhythm of the heart, and to utter such truths will cause a rip in the space time continuum, that will surely usher in the end of days.
All I know is that none of that matters because for all intensive purposes there is no one else in this world just us two, and I have been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to remember where I parked the words , the words to pick the lock and set the caged bird free.  That's when it happens you start to gather yourself readying to leave; I have to make my move.  The pressure is too much and I start lose hope and accept my fate, just then as the gravity of my failure raises up to greet me, Just then it happens an act of mercy You shine light against the approaching darkness, you grant my stay of execution and set free my flights of fancy, Your lips separate and your angelic voice speaks "Have a good day" It's show time "You too", I reply as I watch you walk off the train as the doors close and I  start to cry because at that very moment I remember where I put the words,

You see I didn't want to lose them so I wrote them on my heart. The train starts to pull away; I dry my eyes and wait for my next

Here and Now

MY OWN COMIC!

Yes that is me and I made this at BITSTRIPS.COM 

Thanks to my tweep Promethh for the link.

iPhone economy

After getting the new iPhone. I had to go back and buy a new case and new charger. Cause assories that don't support apples's made for iphone program don't work. :(. Apple is caking off a million phones In a weekend. That's pimping.

First post from iPhone

Back from the dead and back on this site.
Boo!

Will I ever see Paris?

It has come to my attention that Paris is more then a noun, to me. More then a place, much as I am sad to say. I have never traveled outside of the country at this point; I am far too old for that to be a reality. I started to consider the reason why I have not made to Grand old Pari,

Paris seems the perfect place for someone like me in theory, a city for lovers, and me being a sag, one of the great lovers of the zodiacs, sorry to be wrapped in conceit about this topic, but I have come to know for some great time that If I have one gift, if there is one immutable fact about me, It’s that I know love, it’s more like an ability then a personality trait. Not always on but at a moment notice, I can focus my powers on something or someone and that’s all she wrote.

Paris

would be ideal, all the small streets, and little shops hocking all kind of wears. All the restaurants, and let me stop to say nothing translates love like good food, it’s like a filament to a light bulb. Maybe that’s why so many happy people are fat.

I keep having this dream, well not so much a dream then a desire which is more vivid, to me then any dream, that I will walk the city of love, not Philly but the streets of

Paris

with my love. Now here comes the funny part, the really rich layer to this all, the man with the power to love, and all this stored up love in his heart, has no one to love, and every time I plan a trip to the

Paris

, with someone, it never happens.

I plan to ask the woman I love Volonté vous m'épousez on the Eiffel tower, and she will accept my words and will with eyes blinded by love travel through the city.

As the years go on and time passes me by I begin to wonder if my dreams are every going to come true, I have tried so hard at times to my them a reality, but its not like making a cake, it’s more like a soufflé where you have to be quietly patient. But my soufflé won’t rise. My roots of love and hope have grown to a tree that won’t bear fruit.

But in my sad little heart I still believe it will one day, so I don’t throw the tree in the wood chucker, but it stands a reminder, more like a oversize question mark,

 

Will I ever see

Paris

?

 

Love Mock Me Not!

Here again I find myself alone, lonely, loveless.

I have been inflected with the disease. This terrible illness, the symptoms are fits of depression, rage, hopelessness.

Followed by weeks of confusion, and abandonment.

Prognosis Not good, there's no cure for it, I can't even get a doctor to

Proscribe a good pain killer, I keep self medicating but I have only ended up addicted to porn.

I read in a medical journal that some people with the same disease found good results with new treatments

a few doctors are proscribing a cocktail of happiness, new love, sexual encounters with someone other then yourself.

I have to go to one of these doctors, but my HMO doesn’t cover them because they are out of network...

Damn

Love stop mocking me!

Tears for the hunted

I  run as fast as I can. I run through the night, through the day.

I hear them hot on my tail, they dip there arrows with lies and deceit.

They lay claim to me, desiring my flesh, my heart as there meat. X marks the spot

X crosses my heart. Once I suckled them with love's bosom,

Now they chase me through out my days. My flesh is not rich enough to stain them,

I protest, but they care not for my cries as there selfish desires burn,

what I once gave freely is now what they yearn.

I cry out love's pain as their arrows pierce my flesh, I've lost my fight, the hunt a success

and I am branded beast at every table, I would have feed them all my love when I was able

Born Again!

Damn, I can’t believe it’s been so long. I am so bad at this, I wanted to return. I wanted to be born again, birthed through my words; there I would be naked for the entire world to see.

This is harder then it looks... I think I need a condom for my writing because I feel like this is unprotected sex, with too many different partners. No safety net, my words rise and fall on there own merits. The seconds to minutes to hours to days, then weeks, then months, time has rolled by like an express train with no plans on stopping at my stop.

So excuse me while I pull a “Rainbow” and find my fate on the third rail.

Love's Untimely Demise

On a cold September’s night three conspirators overlooked an unmark grave, Jealous, Envy, and Hate all looked at the grave, all admiring their handy work.
Jealousy devised the plan, Envy executed it, and Hate committed the murder.  Their victim never knew what hit him.  His cold and limp body just lay there.  They scooped him up and dumped him in a shallow hole in the ground.

The next evening, Jealous called Envy, who then called Hate on Three way.  I think we have a problem he said, telling everyone to meet where they had laid their victim to rest.  The three of them all looked in astonishment. There was now a hole where the body was buried.

There was a note laid at the foot of the grave.  Jealousy picked up the note, his eyes glanced over the note, he handed over the note to Envy, after he finished reading the note passed it to Hate. Hate read the note, and the dropped it at his feet.

The three all looked like they had just received the worst news in their lives.  One by one they slowly began to leave the gravesite.

This is what the note read;

"Sorry but the reports of my demise have greatly exaggerated

Sincerely Love"

THE TRUTH, The Ten Thousand Pound Gorilla.

I try to be a very honest and direct person. Mainly because that is what I most appreciate, I feel like most people feel the same.
Well I am getting the feeling that I am wrong, dead wrong. I have been going through a lot of drama in my day to day, because of the truth.
Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those cruel people who run around beating people over the head with the truth, just because. I do however say what I mean and mean what I say.
I think the difference lies in the motive for the disclosure.
Sadly I live a very solitude lifestyle (No wonder, since I can keep my trap shut!) I have friends and family who I love and care for very much. I watch them, try to be there for them. I watch them do some very odd things, and I am sure they would something similar about me. I watch them run into the same walls over and over again. I am not sure why I always seem to have a third person view on things, it just seems to work out that way. I usually wait, till they is a major reason for saying I think needs to be said. I am not an expert on life so I try not to run around telling people what to do with their lives. Trust me my life is plenty Fucked.
When you love someone it's hard to sit back and watch them suffer specially for something that is avoidable. I have been through all kinds of pain in my life and I think I would have appreciated some words of wisdom now and then. Yet every time I open my mouth I regret it. I am not sure why I feel need to tell people the why, and the how I see things, to be honest with them about the way I feel. especially when I keep getting slammed for it. I am tried of being treated like a leaper because I value candor over kindness. I think sometimes people pay way to much attention to the delivery of the message or it's presentation, and not enough to the message contents. It's hard saying something that you think a person needs to hear, even if you think it's going to hurt them. Only to be yelled at because you didn't delivery the message the way they wanted you too. Well excuse the shit out of me for having more to do then sit around all damn day and think of ways to say what should be as fucking obvious as the nose on your face. What really puts the feather in my bonnet is that I love these people and run and tell them everything, fully ready to accept what they have to say in return, cause they would never say something to hurt me, they love me.. Don't they.?
So why are the same people nailing me to the cross every couple of months. They keep stuff to themselves cause they don't want to hear my comments, like I have nothing better to do. I am paddling in a row boat with one ore going down the wrong way in a river of shit (translation: I have my own problems) Yet I still take the time and have to courage to tell you what I think, and the conviction to stand by what I said. Trust me it's a lot easier to lie, or say whatever I think you want to hear. I am the person who loves you, why don't you take into account when you get the message.

Look I am not saying I should get a pass for speaking without thinking, I am just wondering if you value my opinon then why not understand where it's coming from.