I am just coping all the old blogs from my old account.
Here they go:
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Mortally Wounded.
It's like she wrote every word on the cases of hollow tipped shells, cause they ripped though my flesh as she fired them into me.
First threw my head parting my grey matter. Exploding threw the back of my head. I could see the splatter of the blood and brains against the wall behind me. The next shell hit my torso. The shell hit my ribcage and splintered and the fragments ripped threw my heart exiting my back leaving a hole you could see through.
I should be dead. I can't understand how I am still alive. It' like watching a movie were I am the star. I saw the next couple of shells go into my limbs, one by one she blew them away.
As I lay there in a mass of blood and brunt flesh. I stared at what was left of my heart laying on the floor, it was still beating...
I could still feel it beating, slower and slower and yet slower still.
I could hear the count down
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
2
1....
Flat line.............................
Then one word was uttered, and I was reborn.
She rebuilt me with the same words she used to tear me apart
She loved me, She needed me.......
- posted by Shawn @ 9:31 AM
Friday, February 27, 2004
Watch where you point that thing, it’s loaded!
‘I storm in, she storms out; it’s like the war of the roses going on in my house’ “Jay-Z, Break Up to Make Up. The Best of Both Worlds”
Let me be the first to say I am no Poet. I am not a Novelist. I am not a Politician. I am not a Rapper; Don’t let all the ice fool you.
Sometimes I am not sure what or who I am. I am many things to many people.
Friend to some, Foe to others. I am father to my children, a loving and doting dad. I was once a loving and devoted husband to my wife, even as an ill-fated attempt as it was. I am sure-footed Billy goat that is not easy swayed from side to side. I have been known to bend like a blend of grass, allowing the wind to pass thru and around me.
I never try to do anything, I do what I know needs to be done. I hardly wish to be anything more then what I am. I am who I am. I am what I am.
No I am not a poet, and no I am not a hobbyist. I am not some hack trying to pass myself off as something I am not. I don’t need to quote authors that have lived lives, I have never dared to dream of living, never tried to put my feet in shoes of people that have come and gone; some of their work I have not understood or even read, much less have a hope in hell coming close to understanding.
I don’t even think that I am writing this. It more like exhaling.
I didn’t even bother to spell check this or go thru the grammar, that would be too much like writing……..
- posted by Shawn @ 7:47 AM
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Anthony Hamilton & Javier
I was walking thru BestBuy one day when I saw a cd and I was drawn to it for some unknown reason. I have since been telling anyone with ears, that this kat Javier is the truth. I have turned a few people on to him and I know they are very appreciative.
I got a chance to go see him live. I can tell you that his music is even more impressive live.
And he brought down the house (at least for me) with October Sky.
Anthony Hamilton was equally amazing. He stage show was excellent. Everyone knew every word to every song. I really enjoyed the show.
- posted by Shawn @ 10:18 AM
Your love is like soul for the soul!
Thanks to all, for all the love and support. I have been getting so much support and it has really has made a world of difference.
Day, you are such a great mother and person. A lot of people would not have done what you did for me. Thanks, and I am so glad you are blogging now.
To DiniB, my neighbor from the north, I have really enjoyed our talks. And always look forward to speaking to you. Thanks for making the last week better then I thought it would be. :) I am still waiting for my delivery of Canada bacon.
- posted by Shawn @ 10:16 AM
Friday, February 13, 2004
Valentines Days Blues:
I said to myself that I wasn't going to notice. I didn't even plan to be here, I was going to LA for all star weekend. To be honest I am glad I decided not to go, cause I would have been miserable there too. Yesterday walking thru the mall I noticed all these people buying gifts for their counterparts. Just then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was going to spend another Valentines day without anyone special in my heart. For a guy who runs through girls , like I were wearing a fresh pair of Jordan's I suppose this shouldn't be a problem. But it's is, A big one. I swear I am like the "reluctant pimp", I pimp out of some misguided need and not much for want or for the love of the game as they say. They are going to take my Pimp cup for this.
I swear I have tried so many different things to get something real in my life, I guess I will just have to wait till someone calls my number. As for right now, My heart is "Blue as the October Sky"
You notice I didn't say spend valentines day alone, that's cause I have great friends that would never let that happen. Thanks Ann and Day.
- posted by Shawn @ 12:38 PM
Real Friends Stand Up:
I think I have stated this before, that for the longest time I considered myself a loner, and one day I woke up and realized that I have circle of family and friends. Big shout to those people who bust their guns for me on the regular. and I know that I am a "To know me is to love me" type of person. and Loving me can be hard sometimes, I am glad you try.
Sometimes my actions are not always welcome or understood, and for that I am sorry, don't get me wrong "I got to be me", but I don't want that to cause you any grief, cause I love you guys. I will try to keep the asshole in me down to a minimum.
- posted by Shawn @ 12:37 PM
Back for the first time:
What's up people sorry for the delay, which by now you are used to it.
Sorry but it's hard not to just flood this thing with useless banter. I do have some stuff to say, so here we go:
- posted by Shawn @ 12:33 PM
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Wow, I am really a mess these days watching Brown Sugar, Which I was sure I hated, but on second thought. It’s not a bad movie.
Just wish I were not watching it alone.
In a world where everyone is trying to be different, I just want to belong.
- posted by Shawn @ 8:22 PM
Momentary reprieve
Looking back on past and lost loves is like being lost at sea, watching the waves crash against the rocks. I am the rock and the women and love are the raging waters crashing against me over and over. Me being a rock, trying to be unmoved, Yet feeling myself starting to sway from side to side. Feeling the water loosening my sedimentary elements. Trying to hold my resolve, hold on to my good intentions, and not letting myself get washed away wave by wave. Hoping for a momentary reprieve from the raging storm. Weather it’s the storm around me, or the storm that has been raging in heart.
- posted by Shawn @ 8:11 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Hustling backwards,
I am sorry that I haven't been around in a while, but I have been so emotional lately,
It has been hard to focus on what I wanted to say, I just had so much to say and not sure how to get it out.
First big shout to the people who show the kid love and support, you have no idea how much it means to me. I have always been kind of a loner, but now I have a big extended family and friends.
To my best friend in the world, Ann Marie "I love you girl", and don't worry keep that pimp hand strong, keep training him and he will learn and if he don't Fuckem I got you till the day I rest.
Another shout till my twin, My older bother, My mentor and nigger that has always got my back no matter what, I know I talk shit, but you are the boss running this here. I am just doing what I know you would. Yo JBiggetts brush your shoulder off. They can’t hold you.
And when that album drops everyone will know what I have always known,
JBiggetts is the illest.
3rd Echelon till the death.
and to everyone else
"Watch out Now"
- posted by Shawn @ 9:02 AM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Today's song is by Kanye West; Falls Down
Today song picked me, so it was really easy. Big shout to Miss Info (Hot 97), for Breaking the album version of this joint.
Damn Kanye, what can I really say I guess
"I am so self conscience". I agree with Miss Info Kanye is set to change the landscape of HipHop.
I am looking for Big first week numbers from this R.O.C Member, somewhere between 250-and 400 hundred thousand. Honestly I have not seen that much marketing. I guess Dam-Dash has other issues. Although it's not like him to miss out and such a big opportunity, Kanye West is the Next big thing.
Anyway back to the song. It makes me take a hard look at myself. Anyone who knows me knows I suffer from a very bad case of ICE Itis.
"I mean you can slide down my ice like an escapade"-LiL Kim.
I have had a few negative reactions to my seemingly (and I really hate this term) "Bling-Bling" life style. I just chalked it up to Hate. I thought I was different and to some degree I know I am at least a little different with mines; see I have always have a addiction to Big things. I developed a hustle game to get em.
But I have to admit that I have felt the pressure to hide what's inside with Cars and Diamonds and Big name clothes, I mean why would you want to know me, when you can know how much $$ I am holding. but this strategy almost always has backfired on me, so I learned some of the lessons this songs clearly points out.
"I can't even go the grocery store, without some One's that's clean, with a shirt and a chain." -Kanye West.
"What do you think?"
If you haven't heard the song yet or can't find it I am including a link to it, for a short time only!
Kanye West Falls Down.
- posted by Shawn @ 7:37 AM
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Today's song is by Eamon: F**K IT.
I realized today that picking the song of the day was going to be more difficult then I thought cause I had a few song I wanted to talk about, but since this is song, and not songs of the day. This song is sick, I f**kin love this song.
Big up, to the Evil Star, of Star and Buckwild show, cause he broke this song on hot 97 a few months back, I couldn’t believe it when I first heard it, I couldn’t remember the artist name, but then I was reading BillBoard.com, and this song was getting a lot of buzz, it's currently 36 on the top 100. I guess alot of people are saying F**K IT.
Aside from the obvious shock value from the title and chorus of the song, I started feeling the message of the song, which is a message that I am sure every man has felt and or said at some point.
F**k you, hoe I don’t need you back.
But when you are in as much pain, as the person who wrote this song is, nothing can be further from the truth! As I started to realize what goes into a statement like this song is, and I know this sentiment very well, I could have easily have written this song, and a couple more just like it.
I guess it made feel like, F**k you, hoe I don’t need you back.
"What do you think?"
You can hear the song and watch the video on his webpage.
- posted by Shawn @ 7:51 AM
Monday, January 19, 2004
Song of the day!
Every day I am going to pick a song of the day, listen to it, and tell me how the song makes you feel.
Get at me!"
Today's song is by Alicia Keys: Track 7, Diary.
It's features the lead singer from
Focus, but for some strange reason it says Tony Tony Toni, on the credits but I heard the bother sing, so I am sure it's him.
The way it makes me feel:
It makes me wish for someone to keep my secrets; for someone to be connected to. Someone to trust, A speed dial number to call....
-I guess you guys will have to keep my secrets....
- posted by Shawn @ 10:44 AM
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Loving Jezebel,
I never knew I have spent my whole existence chasing Jezebel. I never
Knew the reason, why no matter how hard I tried; love would dust my
Butt on the track field; I should have checked my track sneakers.
I have to say that for all who care to know, I have fallen in love with
a movie called loving Jezebel. When I was a small child, my life was
Filled with so much drama that I would just imagine that credits
Rolling down. Funny thing when I watched this movie, I saw myself on the
Screen, I could not pull my soul away from the tv screen. The movie
Reminded me of “the me” I used to be, and the innocence lost; and gave me hope that I could find it again.
I don't think the movie is a masterpiece, but then again neither am I.
I was able to see my self from the outside, and able to laugh and
Forgive myself; for what you might ask...
While you must not have been paying attention, cause I have loved
Jezebels most of my life!
- posted by Shawn @ 8:08 AM
Monday, January 05, 2004
Wow my first entry. I am not sure but judging from the amount of drama I have been dealing with lately, This should be fairly interesting! ;)
